Happy publication day to me!
Happy publication day to me!
Happy publication day for dear Geli Voyante's Hot or Not!
Happy publication day to me!
October 17th is finally here, and I'm pleased to share that you can now buy Geli Voyante's Hot or Not in Kindle and paperback formats:
It is also available worldwide at your local Amazon website, so do search for it if you're not local to one of the above Amazon sites.
I really hope you love the book, and please do leave me a review on Amazon if you read it and enjoy it. I'd really appreciate it! You can also add the book to your Goodreads shelves and leave a review there.
Watch out for the tour that is kicking off today as well. It begins at Donna's Room for Reading, and I'll be tweeting about the tour along the way. There are reviews, interviews, guests posts, plus your chance to win an Amazon voucher.
But, for now, read on for a peek of the opening pages of Geli Voyante's Hot or Not and then go and buy it! Will you be downloading Geli today? x
Geli Voyante's Hot or Not:
Today is going to be another same old, same old day. I can
feel it in my bones as I plonk myself down in my Todd chair, which immediately relieves
my bones but does nothing to shake this feeling of repetition. Mitch Todd may
be a fashion genius, but he’s not a miracle worker.
The chair, if you’re interested, is the most succulent and
soft, black leather chair your derrière
will ever enjoy. So Hot, I wildly declared, when I tried it out in Harrods’
furniture department last week, much to the sales assistant’s disgust. This
turned into quick delight when her colleague realised who I was... When the
nation read last weekend’s column – Not
Hot included snooty sales staff – I had a Todd chair waiting for me at the
office on Monday, plus another one was sent to my home, both on the house. Mitch Todd’s PR team must
read my column.
This happens a lot. And no, I’m not a clairvoyant. That would be my sister. I wish I was
joking, but my parents really called her Claire and our surname is Voyante. I know. My mother thought Claire sounded
pretty with the surname: forgivable. I suspect going through the rigours of labour
can send a person a bit loopy – but my father? He should have known better, a
sentiment still applicable to this day with his
behaviour.
Claire can’t wait until marriage allows her to change this
crime against an innocent babe-in-arms. Until then though she’ll pronounce
“Claire” in the flattest English-tone she can muster up (hard with our embedded
South African twang), then pronounce Voyante in an exaggerated Italian accent: “Voy-on-tayyyyyy” instead of “Voy–ont”.
She gets very vexed about these sorts of personal
injustices, but she isn’t the only one to suffer. I was named Angelica,
Angelica Dawn Voyante, to give you my full moniker, all because I looked like
an angel at birth and was born at dawn. I kid you not. With parents like these
and their naming skills, you must think that they too suffered... no. They have
nice normal names: Rupert and Isabelle. Lucky them.
Everyone calls me Geli though, as in “jelly”. Haven’t you
read my column? Geli Voyante’s Hot or Not.
Food nicknames are so Hot and will remain so as long as I keep this job. I am
Britain’s answer to a non-violent dictator, except I dictate the things that
really matter each and every day with my mini-column of the hottest news
stories – deciding the topics to be discussed at the dinner table – and then via
my Saturday column.
On Saturdays I control the more serious issues of fashion, style and, more importantly, taste, one limit I have to stick to, but
I’m excellent at pushing boundaries because nasty bosses are so Not Hot. Seriously, I have that much
influence. If I sneeze, everyone rushes in front of me to catch a cold if I
declare colds are, errr, in fact, Hot.
You’d think with this level of power, I’d be happy, but I’m
not. Truth be told, I’m a little… bored.
Even worse, I’m a little lonely, or more like a lottle lonely, as I like to say. It’s hard at the top – ask any
dictator – and the worst bit? Keeping up the pretence. The spectacularness.
Call it what you will, it’s exhausting. Who knew true boredom could be so
draining? Who knew pretending could be such hard work? Now I know why actors
take so many vacations.
It takes me about fifteen minutes a day to declare what’s
Hot or Not for my mini-column. Two simple picks. It takes me longer to do my
hair. I don’t even have to justify my choices to a superior, let alone the
lovely British public. I just pick, and here’s how I do it (sorry for
shattering the illusion). Basically, I cheat and read the BBC website (hurrah for
instant news!) and that’s the basis of my declaration. Never mind that we might
take a different angle to the Beeb at the paper, it’s still my source because
have you read my newspaper? I need a dictionary on hand if I ever flick through
it. My Hot Pick gets put at the top of the front page in red letters with the
page number, the Not story at the bottom in blue.
Admittedly, my Saturday column is a little trickier, but
it’s not exactly deconstructing Prime
Minister’s Question Time. No, I’m merely commenting on fickleness and, before
I know it, it seems a trend is set or a reputation broken with no need for
scientific studies or opinion polls. To our readership, my word is final.
It’s quite the position of responsibility and one I’m stuck
with. I think I will always be known as the Hot or Not girl, defined by it for
the rest of my career. Even my tombstone will read: Angelica “Geli” Voyante, beloved trendsetter. Death? Not Hot.
Yet, it doesn’t sound right. Why won’t anyone realise that there
is more to me than this fickle persona I have inadvertently become?
Buy Geli on Amazon.co.uk | Buy on Amazon.com
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